I was just thinking...

“You’re a storyteller. You invent characters. You create them in your imagination exactly how you wish them to be. Correct?”

She nodded.

“You did the same with Ryan. You loved a man who did not exist anywhere but in your ideals. You loved a person that wasn’t actually Ryan.”

“Not true. I knew him very well. We lived together. You get to know someone that way.”

“Then he suddenly changed and turned into someone you didn’t know anymore. Right?”

“Yes, in a way he did.” She couldn’t argue with that.

“He didn’t change. You were finally forced to see Ryan for who he really was. The true Ryan. Not your ideal created version of him.”

She contemplated his comment. His words seemed so obvious. She didn’t want to think that she had actually fallen for a self-absorbed, ego-driven shallow person. She was smarter than that. Now she wondered if Ryan had ever loved her. Obviously he had not.

Sadness gripped her. “I guess Ryan never really loved me. His true love was obviously fame and recognition.”

“If all that had been offered to Ryan had been offered to you, would you have taken it?”

She thought a minute before she answered.

“Six months ago, I am sure I would have. I’d been crazy not to. But I’d have taken Ryan right along with me.”

“What if Ryan had asked you to turn it all down?”

“I never asked Ryan to turn it all down.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

Her voice rose, all her suppressed anger for Ryan resurfacing. “It would have been very selfish of him.”

“Would you have turned it all down for him?”

“No” She nearly shouted it. “No, I wouldn’t have turned any of it down for him. I would have seen him for the self-serving, egotistical, person that he was.”

Her voice trailed off as she realized her last statement…Seen Ryan for who he was…

Travis was right.  She had invented Ryan to be the man she wanted him to be, the man for whom she longed, never seeing him for who he really was.

She looked at Travis, realization shinning in her eyes. He leaned forward and said softly,

“If I say, I love you Bronwyn. Do I mean I love you in the same way as I love these mountains, or the smell of the earth after a good rain, or the way I love music? Do I love you because the way you look ignites a passion inside of me? Is my love for you only contingent on the way it affects me? How it makes me feel? If so, then I only truly love myself. And I only love and want you for how it affects me.”

He moved very close to her, his eyes reaching deep into her soul.

“Or do I love you, Bronwyn? Do I love the person who looks at me from those emerald green eyes? Do I love you despite the times you are angry and bitter and unlovely? Do I continue to love you although you freely gave your heart to another? Can I send you away knowing I will never experience you, but you, will experience all you’ve ever dreamed of? I can if my love is for you and not myself.”

She was silent, completely entranced in his words. The heat weakened her body. She wanted to cry, sob tears of regret of wasted time and loneliness.  Everything within her wanted to lean against his chest. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her and hold her under the moonlight. If only he would make the first move. If only he would offer.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Despite her inner urgings, she turned her body away from his and back to the water.

“True love is sacrifice,” he said.

-Denise Daisy (The Secrets of Moonshine)

I have a reputation for getting lost. I’ve been lovingly nicknamed Wrong Way Denise and rightly so.  Friends suggested I invest in a GPS. I tried it once. I didn’t agree with the voice emanating from the little box .How could they know? Their direction didn’t seem right; so I turned them off and went my own route, much to the dismay of those carpooling with me.  It’s true, I usually arrive late, but boy do I have stories to tell when I get there.

It’s no surprise then, that my favorite TV series of all time was LOST. I watched it faithfully right up to the bitter end. I won’t waste time telling you how I felt about the ending. Well maybe in another blog, but not now. Never the less, it was a great series, with a great story and most of all, memorable characters that became like family.

I fell in love with John Locke. Not the romantic crush kind of love but a deep admiration and love for a real man with substance. I’d like to be lost with a man like him. He could kill a wild boar and make a cradle for a baby on the same day.  He had faith and belief that he was meant for something great. He embraced his hardship because he believed he had a purpose to fulfill. That’s why his mantra was, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” The first time he yelled that phrase, (Season 1 episode 4; Walkabout) I cried like a baby.

Why, because I dream of my own walkabout. Because I, like John Locke believe I have a purpose…a calling on my life and like him, I was told I was delusional.

             They (I will protect their identity) said I was delusional because I wanted to write books. They told me in light of the college education I never received, that I couldn’t do it. They said I would need to go back to school first and take English and writing courses and maybe….I could write a novel. They said the market was too competitive and I was a nobody, and would never be heard. Their advice was to go back to the hair salon and continue my career as a hairdresser because that was my future.

              How could they know? Their directions didn’t seem right so I turned them off and went my own way because I believe some things can’t be taught. You can sit in a class and learn story structure but no one can teach you how to dream one up. So, I adopted John’s mantra and yelled, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

So guess what? I wrote a book, a great book. It’s about someone getting lost and ending up in a peculiar town hidden deep in the Appalachians. It’s creepy and exciting and everyone who reads it says they lose all track of time because they can’t put it down.

I was told not to self-publish; so I turned the box off again and put my story up as an ebook because I wanted to share it, like the creators of LOST shared their story with me. I must have done something right because in less than three months over a thousand people read it.

So what can I say? I enjoy getting lost because it’s then that I discover new ground and in so doing I discover something about myself. Just like Bronwyn in my book The Secrets of Moonshine. Her bus breaks down on the side of a forgotten highway and when she goes looking for help she stumbles upon the mysterious town of Moonshine. There she makes a startling discovery and unearths cryptic secrets the town’s kept hidden for over two hundred years. If you like LOST or John Locke, you should read it. I hope JJ Abrahams reads it and plans on making it his next big series. I’d like John Locke to have a part. While we were filming we could get to know each other better and maybe we could play a game of backgammon and he could tell me the secret he told Walt that day on the beach and when he is finished I will tell him The Secrets of Moonshine.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004Z1N372

Denise Daisy

Author